Bottledup feelings for sale on ebay

Sometimes lonliness gets so clear, that when you look in the mirror, nothings there.

I just wish somebody would cross my way and just stop, just for half a second and think of me
but not like the shadow in the corner…

I saw ”Girl, Interrupted” just now.. and it hit me like a schoolbus right in the face.
It makes me want to rise, rise and admit that: ”Yes, yes I am insane! Please come and fetch me.”

Insane… I don’t know… maybe I want to be insane so that someone will stay and care for me.
Iam sorry… I just want to belong, to find a home, a happy place…
But I find it hard.. to obey the rules.. that comes with it..
I guess I don’t understand them..

I’ve already broken the first rule of not to talk about my issues… Zip, Nada, Nill…
To not cry over spilled milk… not cry at all, not a sound, not a drop…
To not be too outspooken in general..
Dont mix your feelings in anything..
and most certainly do not stand out from the crowd..

Just bottle it up.. put a lid on and store it in the great dark empty areas inside you.
before you know it you can have a mass production of these bottles and within a year you might have yourself your very first Internet boutique
I try, I really do… bottle it up, jam in down and pretend like its ok…
But it sure isn’t going to stay that way forever.. at some point I will run out of bottles…
and then there is a slight risk of drowning… unless I learn to swallow…

Loneliness rears it ugly face at the worse times..
When you have no support from home and you start turning around, looking for the friends you thought you had…
In my case it turns out that people freak out when they realize Iam turning to them for support…
That’s is just as bad as an unplanned parenthood… like.. ”Jikes!”

how long will I chase them until they disappears forever..?
how long will I chase them until I give up?

I had a nightmare, the night till this one..
I desperately needed to tell somebody that there was a madman that had been chasing me around with a chainsaw… but nobody cared enough to even hear me out…